Life's Like That (ala Reader's Digest)
Originals from yours truely. Seriously, these things can only happen to me.

Friend: Hey, you wanna play badminton tomorrow?
Me: Nah. I can't stroke a cock for nuts.

*****

Friend: So I was swimming frogstyle in the river...
Me: So you were breast-stroking in the river?
Friend: Yes, I'm a breast-stroker.

Labels: Updates

Comic Book Wisdom

None of Them Knew They were Robots
Script by Benito Cereno, in 24seven by Ivan Brandon (Ed).

"I tell you what, man. This is the hardest thing in the world."
"Yeah."

"I mean, it's seriously hard. And television and movies make it look so easy. You put two people of compatible sexualities together, and if they stay in the same room or herd sheep together long enough, they will eventually, through the sheer willpower of the audience's desire to live through them, start making the fuck out."
"That sounds good."
"Yeah, it does but unfortunately it doesn't work that way."

"No matter how much willpower you put into it, no matter how many falling stars you wish on, you can't force someone to love you. You just can't. Trying to force someone to love you is like trying to get a kid to stop crying by yelling at them."
"Love me, dammit, or I'll give you something not to love me about!"
"Exactly. That's exactly right."

.....

"And as much as hollywood would like you to believe otherwise, women are people, too. She's just as human as you and I are. And as human, she's in control of her own destiny. Unfortunately, as a woman, she's also in charge of your destiny as well."

"That... Doesn't sound very progressive. I thought you were a feminist."
"Don't get confused, brother. My brain is a feminist. My heart is a misogynist."

.....

"So what do I do? Honestly. This is so high school."

"Don't know, man. It's all stupid politics. It's a game. But you've got to play the game to win the prize. So you wait until she accidentally betrays the way she feels about you through some slip of the tongue. Or you share some kind of epiphanic moment that makes you fall in love."

"Like what?"
"Like surviving a traumatic experience together, like getting blown out of a building through a plate glass window, and you shield her with your body. Lying in the debris, you kiss passionately, as blood and tears mingle in a beautiful metaphor of your newly-wrought mutual affection."

"Anything else?"
"Well, you could tell her how you feel and ruin everything."
"I don't like that one; either."

"It's the curse of being human, I guess. But she's worth it because she's so boner-inducing, right?"
"Brain boners, heart boners... Boner boners.

"Sup, nerds? What are you rim-jammers talking about?"

"Well, N was just talking about how you love boners. Is this true? Do you love boners?"
"Well... You guys are boners, and I love you, so... yes?"

"I'm sorry. I will grant no official recognition to platonic boner love."
N: "Can we just go eat now?"
"Yes please. What are you guys going to get? I'm getting Pad Thai."

"I'm going to get Pad Thai, too."
"Pad thai? You guys eat like tourists, man."

"Oh yeah? What are you going to order, doctor awesome?"
"I'm going to get the Ong Bak special."
"Considering that I think that's an elbow to the face-- good choice."

"Well, Tom Yum Goong has elephants in it, and I refuse to--"
"Trying to follow a conversation between you two is like eavesdropping on a Charlie Brown PTA meeting-- wah woh woh wah wuh.

"Yo, my man look like Harry Potter! You Dawgs wanna hear some raps?"

.....

"Yes, I would like to hear some raps."
N: "Harry Potter?"

"Word.
My name is Doctor Roktopuss, and they locked me up for spitting the truth. I just got out, but I'm about to be a repeat offender. Look out!
Categorical imperative the power is inherited it's instinctive why you thinkin we so muthafuckin scared of it?
We're just barbarians like conan it's a muthafuckin program jesus stuck in you just to fuck wit you and you don't even know, man
Romance is a crime you're just wasting your time if you're flirtin and workin on your muthafuckin rhymes
Don't waste your life on gallantry it's implanted in your circuitry don't get sucked in it's just fuckin all the other shit's just pageantry!"

.....

"Dude, that was awesome!"

"Five bucks awesome?"

"Yes, five bucks awesome."

"Hey N, I just gave that guy my last five bucks. Can you pick up my lunch?"
N: "Yes. Yes, I can."

"Dude, do you think that was it? The moment?"

"God... God, I hope not."

01100101
01101110
01100100

Now, I wonder how many times have I 'ruined everything'. Ironically, those were also the times when I incidentally felt most strongly about. You can be in the game, but not in the play. Or vice versa. I still refuse to be suckered.

And that's why the ones have really love, I can only admire from afar.
See them get married to some scrawny rocker and have silly names for children like Apple and Moses.

Labels: Sightings, Whine

The most personal post ever

Each cleaning-up of my room feels like the reopening of a time capsule. Which is not exactly unpleasant, but you don't exactly miss that feeling either. So sometimes some things are better left undone/untouched. Les the bio-degradable becomes degraded, reproduced with permissions from the author, I present myself, 8 years ago. Written in college foolscap pad. (Notes in [], parts censored to protect the identity of the people involved).

Youth is splendorous. That's why no matter what we do then, just thinking about it thereafter always bring smiles on our faces.

Name: G** H*** Z**
Reg. No: 98S**08
Date: 14/5/99
Subject: A LETTER TO SELF

Dearest Self,

I dun really know what to say/write. The thoughts run in your head but the words dun flow. Basically, what sparked this private conversation was because of a logbook. The 1997 VJCh*ir logbk. [I have no recollection now whatsover, the contents that triggered this response] The month is May and the time is late. BUT MY OWN question is: WHAT AM I DOIN WITH MY LIFE? So you(I) made a little (BIG?) mistake in my life. I (you) dun have to say what. You (I) jolly well know it yourself. It's not because SHE'S all so important, (what's so important about * *****) [strong language, and for that I do apologize. I'm deeply respectful of the people I've loved and who once loved me as much, if not more] but rather WHY you ALLOW yourself to make such mistakes of life. The self-emptyness and despair doesn't even come from the ACT of MAKING THE MISTAKE even. Not even that. You know the consequences, yet YOU HAD TO DO IT. CURIOUSITY? LUST? SHEER LONLINESS? [I'm not even sure what the point I was trying to make, but I'm quite sure it had nothing to do with sex] You (I) have considered the consequences, YOU already KNOW the ending. WHY? WHY? But it's not entirely your fault. She had you FOOLED. I know why you are like this now. PRIDE. Feeling unjustified at yourself for being tricked. All 18 (then 17) years of your life & you've always (at least for the important ones) made the right judments [heh, spelling error replicated from source] & deductions. That is why you are now at your sorry [circled even, you get the point] self. SERVE YOU RIGHT, you SORRY ASS.

Anyway (I realise I-you like to start a paragraph with "anyway", anyway - ya) that is not why I wrote this CRAP (ok, so partly it was). The part discussing why I'm in this sorry zombie soul. I thought it was because of the choir, but then the choir links to *** ***** and eventually they lead to pride. But since I had meant to talk about choir, I WILL talk about choir.

You-I have come into this victori*n community with aspirations. "They are one - like a family." They claim. The very best in amateur choral singing. People you'll want to know forever. Friends that last a lifetime. Basically, I have fallen in love with a dream; so badly, such that by the time I actually get to live it, it has turned into a disastrous nightmare. "I LOVE THE CHOIR". But I am no longer proud to say it - in fact I would feel embaressed. The phrase has been plagarised into a cover of decit; THEIR cover, to gain access to this beneficial, USEFUL community. The phrase no longer has meaning. People know that, & thus they stopped saying it. But you can feel it. It's the benefits they LOVE. The word "CHOIR-V*C" carries no meaning. It doesn't stir any emotions indescribable, neither will they feel anything. There is no cohesiveness, no spirit. Where is MY PROMISED family? Everyone here has a motive. To each their very own use; this community is a tool. I already know what I'm going to say in my farewell speech (if there was one). I can say a lot of things about this community (notice I didn't say MY CHOIR), but that would most probably put your day/nite off. Lemme just say they are quite negative, and there's many of them. *maybe I'll say this maybe I won't* -> (All the negative things WE've said about AC*C, that just about sums up us. VICT*RIA JUNI*R C*LLEGE CH*IR. Their spirit, attitude, maybe except the 'kelong' part. BUT WE ARE THEM) (Oops, that just about sums up wat I want to say about us, so I dun think I'll say that)... So all I can say is "THANK YOU. Thanks, maybe not for the memories, but just thanks. I may not be able to say I LOVE YOU ALL, but I know I can say FOR SURE I LOVE VJCH*IR. Maybe it's a choir different from the one I have experienced, but I definitely LOVE IT. I respect and admire our legacy. I really love it, & hope I have served it best. I wish everyone the very best and goodnight. Thanks."

Okay, sure, the Yr 1 years wasn't that bad but i could already tell that i didn't LIKE my batch. Not one bit. The few people/friends that came along with me for this ride exculsive. Hmmn. Maybe I won't like them if I was born a year earlier. I feel nothing for the present year 1, now that I am Yr 2. Maybe it's because I have felt this feeling of emptyness for so long and have lost the feeling to feel. They are people in transit at the airport. People you see and occasionally interact. Maybe it's because I've committed so much to my dream but gotten so little out of it but then again, I expected the most (maybe too much) out of things/people I care most too.

Anyway, night has fallen and I've gotta go. You-I have been a great friend & it feels good letting it out - though I think it still does nothing to solve the problem. Maybe the solution is already there, in every tomorrow, just that it is never the solution I would ideally want; it is only the solution most natural amongst other sub-conscious others. Tomorrow will be a new day, and most of the feeling today will be gone. It's just god to capture it. Thank you, inner-self, I shall talk to you again.

Larf,
GHZ
11/5/99
717pm

[Here's where things get interesting. I've actually signed off 3 days earlier than the date I've started off with! I don't usually do such stuff like penning my thoughts. Maybe there's really something paranormal about this.]

[Judging by the quality of prose, I was a science student back then. Really. (Shall spare you the really horrendous ones.) Jusging by some of the stuff that I'm writing (POEMS! *shudder*) now, I guess some of that 'scientific' background still shows every now and then.]

Labels: Updates, Whine

Spiderman 3

Some afterthoughts:

1. Tobey Maguire is fat, though he's also 'chunkier'. Must be the steroids.
2. What's up with the Sandman? I think having 2 villians would be more than a handful. So the fourth installment should have 4 bad guys, and so on? More development could have been given to the venom arc, methinks.
3. Cheesy NY applause at the grand fight scene? Come on! I mean, they don't even write comic books that way anymore!
4. Gwen Stacy looks albino. And fat. Not that I have anything against 'white' people, or BMI appropriate beauties. In Marvel folklore, she's supposed to be cool, not some wide-eye starstruck spidey fan. Not to mention, she's suppose to die too, at any opportune moment given - to give PP that 'change of life' perspective. Lab partner? C'mon. If the X-men movies can be scripted to closely resemble the ultimates line (or vice versa), surely they would have done better in consulting Bendis when scripting the movie.
5. 'Cool' PP looks even more uncool than the normal uncool PP. Wannabe clubbers at your wednesday boogie nights can do better. Since when are 80s dance moves cool? Of course, as comic relief, the dancing in the streets scenes are a blast. That would have been the best way to get rid of me if I were the symbiote.

In conclusion, you can be sure to catch me contributing to the cause of Pirates 3, if not simply to topple all the unjustified record-breaking feats this current spider act is causing.

The Globalisation of Singlish

"And you can just walk about the city and everyone makes nice nice."
"What is wrong with me? I agree to sit down with her and make all nice-nice."
-Ultimate Spider-man Volume 4; Brian Michael Bendis.

First appearing in the urban dictionary in Dec 2004, I'm sure the outflux of local scholars to the States has something to do with the mainstream usage of this phrase.

I mean to appear in a comic book, depicted as a part of youth speech - this has got to be some kind of 'in' term within teenage slang. And we know lots of young Sgreans do study overseas. Who's to say that the americans didn't pick it up from our daily conversations with local overseas peers?

Labels: Sightings